Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple - by Seth J. Gillihan
Published:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple - by Seth J. Gillihan
Read: 2024-12-08
Recommend: 8/10
I benefited from cognitive behavioral therapy through working with my counselor from 2019 to 2024. This book is a good refresher for the exercies we did together.
Notes
Here are some text that I highlighted in the book:
Though CBT does consider important learning experiences from early in life, its emphasis on the present makes it an empowering treatment, focusing on factors that are within our control.
Bring things to do in case you’re early. If you’re afraid of being early and then wasting time with nothing to do, bring a book or some other enjoyable or productive way to pass the time if you’re early.
Fear happens in the presence of whatever scares the person. In contrast, anxiety involves an imagined threat that may or may not materialize. Worry is a specific type of anxiety in which we repeatedly think about feared outcomes in situations involving uncertainty.
we can’t avoid potential pain by imagining the worst-case scenario, which would be just as upsetting if it actually happened—plus we feel needless distress from countless worries that never materialize. When we see the futility of worry, we’re more likely to redirect our thoughts.
Let go of safety behaviors. When we have to do something that scares us, we often incorporate behaviors that are intended to prevent what we’re afraid of from happening. For example, if we’re afraid of going blank while giving a talk, we might write out and read our whole presentation.
There are two main problems with safety behaviors. First, they teach us that but for the safety behavior, things would have turned out really badly, thus perpetuating the behaviors and our fears. Second, they can actually impair our performance, as when a capable speaker is overly reliant on notes, which prevents him from engaging with the audience. In reality, many of our safety behaviors are useless, but we never realize it if we always use them (just like a superstitious practice we’re afraid to let go of). We can combine testing our predictions with dropping safety behaviors to directly test whether they’re necessary.
Accept that what you’re afraid of could happen. Part of what maintains our fear and worry is mental resistance to what we’re afraid might happen. We can’t know for certain how things will turn out and yet we keep trying in some way to control the outcome. When we accept that we can’t control what happens, we can step out of that tension. We can recognize that our talk could go really badly, we might lose our health, we could be in an accident, and tragedy could befall the people we love. This kind of acceptance is likely to raise anxiety at first—which is probably why we avoid it—and then can lead to a greater sense of peace as we give up the control we never had in the first place.
The thoughts we have when things don’t go our way are central to the degree of anger we feel. During Alan’s customer service experience, he had thought to himself, “This is a complete waste of my time.” Just below his conscious awareness was the related thought, “These people don’t care that they’re wasting my time.” That interpretation is what sent him over the edge into feelings of rage.
Talk yourself down. Practice talking to yourself the way you would to a friend who’s upset. Come up with words or phrases that encourage you to calm down when you’re starting to wind up.
Remember your larger goal. Anger narrows our focus onto the target of our anger, which can crowd out our bigger goals. For example, we might lose sight of the relationship we’re trying to foster with our kids when we’re frustrated with them. Write down the ways in which anger has interfered with your goals. When you feel anger rising, remind yourself of the things that are important to you.
Question the utility of angry responses. Anger is good at justifying itself, both its presence and the actions it can lead to. For example, most drivers who retaliate against other drivers say they do so to teach the drivers a lesson so they’ll improve their driving. Does it help? We don’t have data to answer that question directly, but consider this: Have you ever resolved to be a better driver because of an angry motorist’s behavior toward you? With that idea in mind, beware of thoughts that make lashing out in anger sound like a good plan.
Provide yourself with adequate time. When we’re running late we tend to feel stressed out and impatient—a perfect recipe for an angry outburst if things don’t go our way. Give yourself enough time for what you need to do to prevent unnecessary stress and anger.
We can deal with violations of our needs more effectively when we address them as they happen versus storing them up and accumulating frustration and resentment.
we can reframe anger as signaling an imperative not to act, since we’ll probably regret actions we take in anger even though our thoughts in the heat of the moment will tell us otherwise. Often the best thing to do when we’re angry is nothing.
Anger often comes from other emotions. For example, we might feel hurt or rejected and respond with anger, which in a way might be a more comfortable emotion for us. Or perhaps we feel fear that triggers us to lash out, as when a fellow driver nearly causes an accident and our fear response quickly morphs into rage. Notice what might be beneath your anger at times. Once we’re aware of a feeling that led to anger, we can deal with the source of the emotion rather than getting lost in the overlay of anger.
We have with us at all times a potential friend—someone who can speak to us encouragingly, praise our successes, support us when we’re down, plan nice experiences for us, give us opportunities to use our strengths, and challenge us in a loving way. Unfortunately, we often play the role of our own enemy, being quick to criticize and slow to forgive ourselves, keeping ourselves from physical exercise, depriving ourselves of sleep, feeding ourselves unhealthy food, and minimizing our enjoyment in life. Through the practices we covered in this chapter, you’ll be working on a completely different approach: planning your life the way you would for someone you love. These plans will take care of your fundamental needs for nourishing food, restful sleep, and consistent movement. They also include managing the inevitable stressors you encounter and spending time in nature
Zach knew the coming winter months not only offered fewer hours of daylight, but also made him less inclined to exercise and socialize. As the fall days grew shorter, he began to put plans in place to get him through the winter, like joining an indoor pool and scheduling time with friends.
First, remember that you’re worth taking care of. Our society, for the most part, treats self-care as a self-indulgent luxury, when in fact it is not only essential for your well-being, but also benefits the people in your life.